As a parent, I find myself evaluating my choice of words nearly every time I speak to The Boy. I find that there are some things I myself will say, but that I don't think a 9-yr-old should incorporate into his own vocabulary. Luckily, The Boy is very obedient in this regard and typically uses language that is expected of a child his age. On occasion, however, we find the need as a family to discuss what words are appropriate and what words are not. Last Friday was one such occasion. Being a woman, there are some things that Husband and The Boy experience that I cannot comprehend. Some of these things include (but are not limited to):
- an inexpressible urge to giggle at any bodily function that makes noise
- a lack of forethought in certain situations (eg: "Why did you hit (or kick, or spit on, or throw, or lick, or smash, etc.) that?" "... I dunno...")
- an inborn magnetism toward tools and machinery
- an intense aversion to any form of cosmetics or skin care
- an instinctual protectiveness of their nether regions
With regards to this last point, The Boy temporarily forgot his charge to protect his privates. Apparently, during some rough recess play the likes of which only boys can conjure up, he "fell down and got sort of pinched and smushed down there." Evidently the pinching/smushing caused him considerable pain.
I am home when The Boy gets home from school; Husband is not. The Boy seemed to think that such a personal problem shouldn't be discussed with his stepmother, so I spent the better part of an hour wondering why he was mincing around the house and refusing to sit. Every attempt to learn the reason was answered with a hurried "Nothing! Nothing's wrong!" Finally, Husband came home from work. Once The Boy felt that I was out of earshot (which I most certainly was not), he broached this sensitive subject with his father.
TB: "Dad, I hurt.. in my... well, you know."
H: "No, I don't know. Where does it hurt?"
TB: "Well... it hurts.... there..." (presumably pointing to his private parts)
H: (not one to stand for uncalled-for embarrassment) "Where? Your penis? Your testicles?"
TB: "My... my testicles."
H: "I'm sorry, dude. How did it happen?
The Boy goes on to explain the falling/pinching/smushing incident. Husband iterates how males need to exercise caution in all activities in order to maintain the integrity of their most tender regions. He then tells The Boy that if he is still in pain in a couple of hours, they will put ice on it. At this point, I enter the room that they are conversing in. The Boy immediately flushes tomato red and loudly says, "Um, at school today, we, uh, we read a book!" Husband, always quick to interpret The Boy's cues, says, "What, you don't want Bonnie to know?"
Me: "Know what?"
TB: (glaring at his father) "Daaa-aad!"
H: "Son, Bonnie is a grown woman. There is nothing you should be embarrassed to say to her. She knows all about boys and their penises and testicles."
At the "t" word, The Boy winces visibly. Again, quick Husband says, "Are you embarrassed by the word 'testicles'?" After a moment, The Boy nods.
TB: "'Testicles' just sounds like a type of spider or something..."
H: "Well, what would you rather say?"
TB: "... I don't know..."
H: "You could say 'balls'."
Me: "I don't want him saying 'balls'!"
H: "Why not?"
Me: "I don't know, it just seems kind of crude."
H: "Would you rather he said 'gonads'?"
Me: "No!" (to The Boy) "I don't ever want to hear you calling your testicles 'gonads'!"
H: "How about nuts?"
Me: "Ugh, really? Please no."
H: "What if he called them his 'giggle berries'?"
Me: (with a sigh) "I suppose 'balls' is fine."
H: "Ok." (to The Boy) "You can call your testicles "balls" instead. Is that better?"
TB: (with another nod) "Sure!"
Score one point for diplomacy.
I pray that when the time comes to discuss what to call "vagina," that conversation will go just as smoothly.
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